I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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