sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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