Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
