so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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