READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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