He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
