New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
