I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
