dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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