Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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