you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
