Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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