I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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