thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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