well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
