In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
