I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
porn star boner night. come get it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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