jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
