FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
