do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
