She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
