He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
