I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
