Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
