Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
