apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
