Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
