the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT