just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.