just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.