Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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