It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?