Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.