Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?