Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty