You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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