ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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