nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
