He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
