And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
