don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
