We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
