I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
