i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
