Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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