Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
