the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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