in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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