it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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