words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
