I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
