then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
