it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
