Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
