Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
