when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
