I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
