im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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