got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
