I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
