I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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