Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
