I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
