id be glad to
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my shit smells like andre
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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