Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
