Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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