We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
