he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
