meet me or not, i'm out of control
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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