Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
