just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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