U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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